Dirty Angel Diary's

Existing

2010-11-22T21:55:00.003+07:00

Being Exist is not that easy for me... I was always comfortable being Invisible actually.

Growing up as invisible girl something what I enjoy.

To growing my photography business really need a lot of being exist, being well know, or more just to throw up my self in the crowed of people and yelled.. " HEY!! Im here!! I'm A good Photographer!!! do anyone see me?? or hear me??" and of course smileeeeeeeeee all the timeeee..

I even learning to smile even I'm driving my motorbike to go to work.. it just so weird to me. but hey I still want to learn.

This is a very different world for me, everything changes so fast.. time passing so fast.. when you realize that, that means you getting older my friend. and I bet you would wishing that time is 30 hours a day not 24hours.

So how should I start this? being exist? I need to do more networking.. ya.. which I start it very late -_-" but hey I hope I'm not to late though.

Last week; I shot another newborn in kerobokan- one cute little girl that very melow but couldn't sleep for the 2 first hours.. I feel bad but the mother always don't believe me that they have to make their newborn into deep sleep before we start putting them on the blanket and pose them. lucky in the end, she did fall a sleep. and everything work fine after that.

like always most expatriate don't believe us. Which really annoyed me lately.. I still try to find out how to make them to trust us in a way for sure. but from her; I hope I will get some clients or at least she would talk about me to others expatriate that live in the country...

yes- it is called networking

I post the photo at my flickr account; was hoping to get more comment there :-( but again.. I feel invisible there some how after I have been a member for a few yearssssss!! I still want to get "explore" there; almost give up on that part.. really don't know how to get exist in Flickr, or Am I really a bad photographer?? What do you think?

Anyway time to go to bed now.. I hope someone really read this.. :-S

anyone?? or I am actually not exist??

Intonation

2010-11-18T14:15:00.003+07:00

My business partner lately complain to me..

I never realize it since all my friends never told me about it. .. which now I am trying to change it.

I have to change my speaking intonation!!!!

I remember .. still fresh in my mind, I grow up with no much of communication to people,

was so shy .. well more toward to scared to talk with stranger likely. even though I only

want to buy something in a store, I prefer not talking to the shop keeper at all.

Most people around me, teachers and friends from elementary to junior high will tell the same way about me, how quite I am. How I don't like to talk much..

went to a Travelling major; senior high school where they thought us to talk a lot.. especially on "Tour guide" class.. you definitely have to talk, in front of lot people.

unrealized by my self I was in 10 best students for tour guide class.. I actually still wonder how can I do that??!!??

but in that moment, my self confident grown more..

I finished my university degree pretty good.. and not long from there I got a "Finance" position at pretty good national company.

Being as a finance people, we talk a lot .. and of course contact a lot of people, specially to collecting debt.. and I used to love to do that. Those 4 years changes how I talk, again with the environment influence.. I am very straight on talking, specially about money XD

one time my bestfriend called and I ask her to hold on a sec while I was talking with others.. she was kind off shocked listen how I talk XD

That was around 3 years ago, and I still have the same intonation like when I work as a finance..or maybe lesser; maybe it is good on collecting debt but not as a photographer .. every thing wasn't that bad. but doesn't meant I don't want to change.

I am trying my best.. just for a good "hello" on phone :D

Complaint

2010-11-16T13:09:00.003+07:00

Fajitas @Taco Casa 'n Grill - ubud

Yesterday I had a very wonderful lunch not far away from my office.. but this post not about that, this post about my horrible LUNCH today..

Lately I aiming to try several restaurant or warung around my office, since get back from sick almost a week .. I need healthy food :P

There is a route that I always pass every now and then when I go to work and back home.. I notice one small warung when passing by, so.... with a positive mind I go there for lunch with a friend.

The owner welcome us very friendly at first and said they will give discount to us.. since no customer while it is lunch time. we sat and look over the menu.. took a little of time for us to order since there are no pictures on the menu which make us would to order, but hey we are HUNGRY!!!

In the end we order chicken curry which is like a universal meal.. take a little bit of time for them to serve the food but in the end it was on the table.. it didn't look really like I was expecting but hey again.. don't judge the book from the cover (everyone like to say that)

I sipped the curry a little bit.. was having no problem at all and then the veggies .. very standard .. and the last would be the chicken.. OMG!! something wrong with the chicken.. it taste weird~ not because the curry seasoning but more like .. expired chicken??!!?? smells very very rotten also.. I decide couldn't eat more after that. even my friend couldn't eat it more...

Still with a positive mind and of course a positive expatiation from the owner, I complaint to them about the food, that there are some thing weird from the cooking and of course hoping that they will give a higher discount.. but Nooooo!!! the owner straightly said they always buy fresh ingredient from the market every morning... (he definitely looks suspicion to me because he looks nervous) and didn't even give a discount.. from total IDR 49,000 our meal he said we just need to pay IDR 40K.. what a bullshit.. (sorry from my word).

I remember from a good friend telling me that we should complaint to a restaurant when we not satisfied from the food we eat so the restaurant will improve what they defect are.

but apparently lots of places couldn't see what they defect sometimes and they definitely will loosing customers in the future. maybe customers not always the king but it doesn't meant all the complaint from customers are wrong.

One for sure when a customer is satisfied, there are more customers will come.. remember of the word of mouth :)

Nothing

2010-10-22T11:57:00.001+07:00

A song that I just heard today and it is reflect how I feel..

Sing by the Script..

[Verse 1]
Am I better off dead
Am I better off a quitter
They say I'm better off now
Then I ever was with her
As they take me to my local down the street
I'm smiling but I'm dying trying not to drag my feet

They say a few drinks will help me to forget her
But after one too many I know that I'm never
Only they can see where this is gonna end
But they all think I'm crazy but to me it's perfect sense

[Chorus]
And my mates are all there trying to calm me down
'Cause I'm shouting your name all over town
I'm swear and if I go there now
I can change your mind turn it all around

I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words,
And she'll listen this time even though they're slurred,
Dialed her number and confessed to her,
I'm still in love but all I heard was nothing

[Verse 2]
So I stumble there, along the railings and the fences
I know I'm with her face to face, that she'll come to her senses
Every drunk step and path leads me to her door
If she sees how much I'm hurting
She'll take me back for sure

[Chorus]

She said nothing
Oh I wanted words but all I heard was nothing
Oh I got nothing
Nothing
I got nothing
Nothing
Oh I wanted words but all I heard was nothing

[Verse 3]
Oh sometimes love is intoxicating
Oh you're coming down your hands are shaking
When you realise there's no one waiting

Am I better off dead
Am I better off a quitter
They say I'm better off now
Than I ever was with her

[Chorus]
She said nothing
Oh I wanted words but all I heard was nothing
Oh I got nothing
Nothing
I got nothing
Nothing
Oh I wanted words but all I heard was nothing
Oh I got nothing
I got nothing
I got nothing

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/t/the_script/#share

untitled

2010-10-20T02:50:00.003+07:00

I remember some one said that when you have inspiration from a dream,

you will not remember it.. how beautiful it is..

Some times when you wake up from a dream.. even how bad was the dream,

you will always put a smile because you know there some one to love in this awful world..

but what happen when you open your eyes from your sleep and you suddenly,

just feel pain and your tears came out right away after that you find out this is the reality

not the dream nor imagination what just happen before you sleep. you try to run away

from the pain but there is nothing you can do, only pain and it is hurt.. a lot. when you

think it over and over, it always doesn't make sense.. everything doesn't.

why all those from the yesterday now looks just like a dream. can't it be real?

Why the tears have to came out from a pain? Why those time we were smiling?

Every person have a reason and purpose in their life, all of them seek for happiness even I.

that is why every time you wake up from a deep sleep you can always smile for what you have.

while I lost it.. forever. the thing that I thought I still have it yesterday was just another dream with tracks and now I don't even have a dream. I have nothing .. nothing important as my life goal.

Was I to greedy? Was I to selfish? just because I wanted someone that really spare their personal time just to think of me also mine.. just because they want to know how I am? being care.. and everything in the name of love

nothing in the world is eternal, does love also?

were all the love in the world just a bunch of lies story?

Am I good enough?

2010-09-28T16:09:00.004+07:00

After almost a year I live in Bali, I went to Bedugul with friends that come from Jakarta .. who is going to get marry on 2010 Nov.. Congrats to them :)

some thing I couldn't missed when I saw them together. The future bride is definitely a very beautiful and nice lady, she is really taking care of my friend .. what you can say a typical east culture lady who's trying to take care most things and make her man as comfortable as can be. He is definitely lucky guy :)

In the other hand, I am definitely far from beyond anything like her.. which of course make me feel really bad, because I couldn't treat someone I love that way.. I feel I am not good enough yet..

Even though our east culture is progressing very fast into western culture type, but most girls are always change their attitude after they enter the marriage life. one of my best friend told me once, it is not just 1 person life but 2; where the marriage life can go on when those 2 peoples can work out together and understand each other. most important thing is respecting each other.

I wonder will I be that way someday? or actually the big question.. can I?

The end result, I figure out it is not about can I be as good as her but I am actually good enough for him.. the person who accept me the way I am.

Corrupt

2010-08-18T15:48:00.001+07:00

Something you never expect while everything always seems working fine every day.

That happen to me 2 days ago,
My lappy working fine when I use it in the office, it didn't show any sign,
But things changes when I start it up at home,
A pop up window showed up saying that an application couldn't work,
I ignore it and hope it work back fine when I restart it but it doesn't
Searching a solution by google it around
And try every single solution which it was working for some one else but NOT mine!!
Aggrivating and frustating but I manage to calm my self to the beach, of course
Its not solving a problem but doesn't mean I can't have fun for a moment.

Since every solution can't work,
I decide to reformated it and it was a huge mistake because now my laptop can't boot till windows at all.. Definitely there is a problem with my windows XP.
Good thing a good friend of mine will help me to do it later today and hopefully it will work again..

I guess every electronic devices will always meets end later, and maybe some sometimes have a longer end but it will, even how good they said about what they have.. Again.. Everything even human not going last..

Everything corrupt!! In the end Not just the softwares, hardwares, nor human..

It is annoying but what I can say.. We tried our best, and we will do our best but don't expecting to much.. That's all

Moving House

2010-07-30T16:50:00.002+07:00

It is never been easy to look some where new to move.

and I bet all think the same way!!

you search and found there always something wrong with it,

even a small thing effecting our judgement to choose "is this the place?"

you will over think it day after day about it.. it just did to me for over a week.

And yesterday I have to decide it because I HAVE to move anyway..

Financial of course will be the main reason we choosing a place to live,

next step will be the area where we going to live.. and of course why we wanted to move

from our old place.. I definitely because not feeling comfortable anymore to live

where I live now even though there are something that I like here..

I think my place right now is the only one that provide wifi {at the moment}

and of course the strategic location to go anywhere!!! pfftt really good one!!

in a few days .. I will be at my new place,

another place that I will call as my home .. at least for temporary :P

A new Start of Marketing??!?

2010-06-18T23:55:00.005+07:00

as a busy month since I start everything well almost from a zero but I try so hard to start everything in a fast way.. even by my own self.

but now its almost near to the end of the month and I still haven't get what I am expecting, some said I being to hard to my self.. some also said that they didn't expect me will do this fast and they proud of me.. I wonder why... because I am definitely not proud of my self.

I have a hard time on doing marketing stuffs.. I have to admit I am "NOT" a marketing person..

I don't like being pushy to person or saying bully things or maybe just giving them a little tiny bit kiss in the ass.. Ops! sort of..

from last year,.. I do think I have been making a little bit progressing like doing networking stuff while whole my life I have been an Introvert person. I learn from my close friends to do those stuffs. and now I need to force my self to more than just that.

maybe for some people marketing is easy when they are a very out going attitude person or they just are like that.. or maybe not.. I am not really sure.. I think it is more like a talent.. like me who have a taking pictures talent and they have that marketing talent.. by talking "A LOT" to people :P

Well I need to do more this stuff.. even I don't like it or I die starving :P

Cameron Back

2010-06-14T14:45:00.004+07:00

YES!! My Cameron back after being away for almost a month!!!

I was so sad that she wasn't around after all she was always around helping me, now she back :)

when I just really need her the most.

^_^

This June

2010-06-03T20:18:00.003+07:00

Last month a lot of things going on..

it was a very unique month I must say, beside being stop working for pt.bambu; went holiday to wakatobi and got offered of partnership with dekko photography also accompany a friend who actually left the car key inside and engine still on but lock the car.

So it is a definitely a lot of Up and Down on May 2010, and I didn't regret it at all when I choose my path this time, because what the important this is as long you always take things lightly, you actually making your life a bit easier even it is in a very tough moment :) {IMO}

Anyway I start coming to my new office in Ubud this June..

The studio haven't really being completely set up but in a way I love it!

it is small but having a nice atmosphere is the best way to start

I think that is the important part.

I will be the person who in charge of the Studio, specially on Portraiture, Maternity and New Born photography.

so if you are in Bali and around Ubud area, give your time to visit my studio at Jalan Raya Andong, close to Bank Danamon branch office. :)

and also see some of my photo works ;)

Silence day

2010-03-16T20:37:00.002+07:00

This is My first time spending time at home on Nyepi day { Silence day } in Bali.

Starting this morning, well I'm not exactly know what time it start.. but I am certainly know it will end tomorrow morning.

Every once a year the Hindu's will have this Silence day where they are not allowed to go out, eat, watch tv, listen radio or anything that actually active even electricity are not on also.

Entire Bali for today are shut down even the airport.. but then again the people here are very tolerance for some tourist places like hotels are still allowed to operated for their guest's.

Silence Day for the Hindu's means where they seek something meaningfull in their heart not just what around us today.

Well I am pretty lucky where I live right now, where I still can turn on the light here without anyone knowing it, I had a little hard time when I cooking dinner though, since the light is shut down, we just using a little light corner so it wouldn't show outside { since even I am not a Hindu's but I do respect their tradition :) } I couldn't really see how my cook doing and I realize it was a bit over cooked :P hahahaha..

I still enjoying the day.. it is not over yet but I do always enjoying my time at home..

Everything is dark but doesn't mean our heart become Dark.

Happy "Nyepi" day to everyone that celebrating it.

Update on February'10

2010-02-20T08:45:00.004+07:00

From wantilan office, my department have the luxury to move our station work to the kitchen building top floor. :)

I had to manage everything as the head of the moving project, and it was pretty hard to do it because lot of preparation to get things done. but in the end before I went to Jakarta to celebrate the Chinese New Year, we move!!! yeeeyyyy! it was exhausting I admit but it went good.

We now operated there, well with some little annoying thing when its rain :P but its better there than listening to the loud sound of production activities and really a smell stuff in the air.

oh! plus now we even work in a team really good ^_^ I do hope we also make a great work! we will do that for sure!!

--------------------------

I only spend 4 days in Jakarta for Chinese New Year, I tried to full filled everything I couldn't get in Bali XD. Gathered with family, my mom and sister was please when I am there. I am not close to them but they are family!! :)

we spend the 1st day to the Ekayana Graha Temple.

I couldn't resist to do the Movie Marathon on monday, even in the end I spent more time hang out with my friends in Jakarta :) but at least I watched 2 movies. haha~

well there is no great time than hang out with some of your good friends is it?

I hope it will happen again soon.

--------------------------

From Ayung River with Love!!! XD

Yes!! I fell when I shot photos of the Green School students posing around the river, I should have being more careful but well accident happen.. lucky my cameron save!!! I was trying to took some nice shot from different angle, with out seeing how slippery the river rock is, trying to step more further above, and bangggggggggg~ @#$%^&*

That what happen with your leg when you fell! and yah it was bleeding like hell!! after the fall we have to post pone the shot and do it when I am better...

see~~ photography is a dangerous job after all -_-"

New Life, New Place, New Hope in the New Year of 2010

2010-01-01T18:49:00.003+07:00

Things happen so fast when we realize it is back there and can not be repeated.
After 29 years of life experience, I can not say that I have more experience to be compare with some one else.

My life is not that fascinating to be tell to the world but it is fascinating enough in my own world. Even though I still have so many things I should see, the world is so big but it is not impossible {hopefully its not}.

again back to the main subject,
in this new year of 2010, doesn't meant we should forget what we did in the past.. but the past should not holding us also. it just should be as our experience.. to suggest us what we did wrong and not to do it again for the second time. I met so many fascinating friends in my life, also good friends, but not just that also bad friends too.
but it just make me a more mature person {again, I hope}.

I found so many loves and hates in all previous years, but I only keep "loves" in my life dictionary not the hates one. because I love everyone that passing in my life even they might hate me.. but at least I don't hate them.

My positive mind and attitude still there for me, at least it is :)
and my best friends still supporting me.

I hope in this new beginning of new year of 2010, lots of positive and good things will happen :) and I will not just down because of small humps in front of me but it will give me a new courage to be stronger!! ^_^

Happy New Year ALL!!~

Bali

2009-12-10T20:29:00.002+07:00

I have been living in bali for almost a month here now,
got new friends but that doesn't mean I forgot my friends in Jakarta.
Moving out from a Big Capital City to a smaller sunny touristic City, some say it is amazing!

Everyone thought I would always see the beach and sea everyday when they hear "BALI",
That wasn't true. but one thing is true is-
Everyday I see beautiful Blue sky and Rice paddy on the way to my office {well even on motorbike}
The air is better here, clearer ~

Life is more to simple for most people here.
but everything start hard for me at first, I move in as like a foreigner for locals here even though I am Indonesian. but let see what happen after a while I am here.

My new work now is unpredictable!
I love what I do, as a photographer.. but in every company -there must be something wrong I guess. there must be advances and bad things in a company it self. so here I am ,just starting and I can see what things that I don't like and I really hope I can survive until I found a better job.. hopefully!

As for now, I do miss lot of things in Jakarta.. most are my family and friends-

for now I will get some tanned skin tone easily here ^^ hehe but not burn!

Moving to Bali

2009-11-13T11:41:00.002+07:00

I have been very busy lately, I spend 3 weeks last month in Bali for Job Interviews and Test photos there. in the End, I got a Job Offers there.. so all of those that make me very busy preparing my moving to Bali.. to live and work there.

It is very exhausting when I have to do all things my self.. start from searching a new place to live in Bali by only looking it through online and some information from friends, without looking how the place looks like at all. And then packing all my things, looking for a cheap movers {Thanks to my friends that can help me a bit on my packing and information of cargo movers}

Never thought that for a single person like me, have lots of things :D even actually I already put some of my things that I will not use at my mom house :)

Am I nervous ? yes a bit, not because of the new job but because this is the first time for me to step on something definitely new experience which is work out side from Jakarta :D and actually move there! by my self, with no one helping me when I'm there ..
huh! how Independent that be huh??! {Proud self mode:ON}

so here, some of pictures of my packing boxes!!! :)

hummm~ I definitely will miss Jakarta a lot! huhuhu!!! movies, cinema, malls.. << can't hardly believe I said that.. -_-" ohhhhhhhhhh Ketoprak also!!! but the most I miss will be my friends and family :)

be prepared!!

EarthQuake in the Basement

2009-09-02T21:53:00.003+07:00

Jakarta have a pretty Big Earthquake today, center of the earthquake it self is at southwest from Tasikmalaya town. it was happen around almost 3 p.m. for about 30 seconds.

There I was with Dini, my house mate.. we were resting after having a little shop around south Jakarta area. she accompanied me for a little snack {Siomay} at the basement of one well known mall in south Jakarta. Suddenly this lady that having a lunch with her colleagues which sitting behind our table having a phone call and then she was like running outside and screaming "Earthquake!!".

small shaking came,
I saw the chandelier shaking slowly,
I am still think it will be over soon cus from all my previous earthquake experiance there was never a big earthquake here.
and then peoples start running and panicking, leaving their food except ME..
it become bigger on every next second,
Dini confuse and start to scared,

"Relax, Don't panic.. we are in the ground and its shakes like this,
I don't think it wise to go out there while it would be shaking much more and tall buildings around, if it shaking worse lets just hide under the table."
"Ok, lets hide sis".

I was start to take my place to hide under the table, suddenly it stop.
after a minute passed by, people start coming in again.
and I, of course continue finishing my snack :P
National news media start showing their breaking news,
and it was saying that there will be following earthquakes, also telling people to be carefull.

not to long after the media giving those news,
panicking start again all over, The management of the building telling us to get out from there for our safety. which I think its a crap!! when we decide to go home, we saw all the mall employes sitting waiting outside the building where of course you can see all things can hit them if there a following earthquakes. it is not wise for the media giving a panicking news with out giving any solution how to manage these condition.
after that it takes 2 hours to get home -_-; so lame~

I just wish the government or at least media can do something wise, they are actually the one that starting the panicking of our own citizen ..

in the end I still have a great time today. :)

For Love Of Water

2009-08-24T18:04:00.004+07:00

Water, especially Fresh Mineral Water is something very important for every living thing in the Earth. . . its also known as the Blue Diamond. All life start with it, with out it human will not alive.

In this Documentary Movie, will explain a lot what happen with This our precious source... which it being corrupt by some Big Scale Industry from all over the world even in Indonesia. Like many knows "Water" is a free source and no one can said someone owned it. Tensions continue to mount between politics, the environment and human rights in the battle for the future of our planet’s supply of drinking water.

Hidden facts about earth source are shown in this Documentary Movie, don't waste your time before everything is to late. And by signing the petition of Article 31, you agree that water is for ALL.. and it suppose to be that way from the beginning till the end.

WINNER || Best Documentary : Vail Film Festival

WINNER || International Jury Prize : Mumbai Film Festival

WINNER || Best Human Interest Film : Flagstaff Mountain Film Festival

NOMINATED || Grand Jury Prize Documentary : Sundance Film Festival

Direct by : Irena Salina

Borrowing

2009-08-17T17:09:00.007+07:00

I don't mind borrowing my stuffs to my friends when
they don't have time to probably buy it or just going to use it only for once.

But even my best friends or closes friends doesn't really borrowing my things -_-

lately there is one of my neighbor which I am not close to,
she recently move into the building {I am not going to write her name here},
she looks very friendly, definitely a smooth talker, looks like she have lots of friends,
which I think that is Great :)

First she was borrowing just little stuffs and will return it back to me,
of course nothing wrong with that.
but things was not going to stop right there.
She start borrowing things that I think a bit personal,
I discover that she tried it before she borrowed it, yes it is one of my high heels,
maybe it is a very special occasion that is why she need to borrow it,
but on the next day, she borrowing it again
gosh! allright that is going to be a bad habit of her.
so at this second time when she borrowing it, I scold her even tho I still let her to borrow it
{for the last time-my head talking}

I make some investigation in the building {haha detective in the house},
and turn out she is borrowing lots of things from the others,
and some didn't get it back.. Ops! O_o
I hope that will not happening again..

for me Borrowing is something that things we borrow but we don't use it because we need it regularly but we need it only for the moment and return it back as soon as possible when we finish. I always try so hard not to borrow things to anyone :)

♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣

Oh! I just got my dark chocolates ^^ from my Dad .. yeyyyyy!
The packaging looks very nice, make me don't want to open it XD
should I open it or not??? humm well I'm hungry so I'm going to open it huahahaha

♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣

Now I am addicted to this game.. I did play The Sims on my collage time back then, and yes I have got very addicted with it.. and now they just release this new game, well I'm just borrowing the CD from my bestfriend.. *blush*

on this new The Sims 3, I just realize that the sim can ageing.. then died and becoming a ghost.
haven't found any cheat sheet here yet, but will ask it to my friends that addict to this game ^^

Listen

2009-08-07T14:05:00.004+07:00

I like to listen, about anything.. maybe that is why most of my friends like to tell me their problem.
I am not a psychologist though and I'm actually afraid if I give the wrong opinion or advise and make it more worse than it does.

I am sad with what happening around my close friends life, I really wish I can help them, make them happy again and showing their smile like usually they does.

The more we grow up, getting older and trying to expending our life-- it is just become full of intrigue, problems, complicated things that should not be complicated. I though we suppose to be more wiser but not everyone does.

It doesn't matter, I'm still listening even it will make me sad but at least I can help by listening their problem.
I will not judge and accuse anything.

---------------------------------------------------

Try to listen to you Heart & Head in a quite place before you decide something.

it is what you want what make it matter not what others want.

Interviews

2009-07-27T23:10:00.002+07:00

Its not that I'm jobless, I just feel a bit useless since most the time I would be in the office doing something when sometimes I think I forgot to breath...

I love taking pictures but when there is no object or model or clients to be shoot with, it just not that fun.. well the whole globe having an economic problems, I can not complaint. I am lucky enough that sometimes there are clients asking me to shoots them.. it just that I can not stand being at home all the time!!!!!

So every now and then I applying job, with my background and my experience specialty. For me there is no giving up..

A few days ago, I got called from company that I applied.

first I had Interviewed with their HR department staff, and apparently they just love how I answer the question and explain everything.. which mean I passed the first Interview.
Next day, I had the Psycho test-- gosh! its been along while I haven't done those thing.. well for almost 5 years!! doh.. =D there are lots of weird questions, like being a shame formely of being a nudist lifestyle.. and MATH! Goshhhh.. my weakness is on math-- I hate it! but I am actually applying a Finance Supervisor position ... well that is just different.. I will counting money not how much meter the tree between the house and a rock disteance is.. brrr.. after that another Interview with the Accounting&Finance Manager :).. I was just babling how good I am on my previous job as finance supervisor.. haha {I am! GOOD}

and Today! I got a called again from them =) the last Interview and I believe we will talking how much the salary is about.. ^^ it will be on Thursday. I know this is a Big Company and I am excitied about it, I feel that I am going to enter a new world again {at least I will not bored at home and feeling useless}.

Oh! Workaholic Suxy is rising up again haha XD

Visiting My Family in Johor Bahru

2009-06-15T13:57:00.007+07:00

Sorry for being away for few weeks and didn't posting anything here,
every year I always give some times to visiting my father and his other family..
since my half sister spending more time at home,
we spent time together go around, having fun etc =)

most time I taken pics around.. ^^

our first day was going around Danga Bay - Johor Bahru - Malaysia

I taken lots of my sister pics as my model in danga bay ^^ she looks lovely.. {actually I drag her to be my model}

We went to Sentosa Island, I was planning to get some tanned there but.. I was so excited taking pics and forget about it hahaha.. anyway,, we had great time there, warm water, lots of outdoor activities and shop a little bit thingies here and there..

next is...
Singapore Flyer!!!!!!!! stay till late nite there... with more photos hunting ^^ +Self Portraiture

There also a computer exhibition that happening when I'm around, so we went there {Suntec City}.. I also meet my old friend there which 7 months pregnant {awwwwwwwwwwwww!! ^^ its a girl too!!} we walk around at Marina Square and then to Esplanade, with more pics =D
and watched a little session of theatric in there

My last day was going to Karaoke with my sister in Johor Bahru.. wasn't planned but it was really FUN!! ^^ we sing till we lost our voices haha it was great time ^^

My Little Naughty Toughts

2009-06-02T00:25:00.003+07:00

For the first time on Friday early morning May 29th 2009, I taken a train to Bogor for a very short notice photo session.

It was a very huge step in the Suxy's World to taken a train in Indoneisa :P, I realize when I was in the train - it was an EX-Japan MRT train that Indonesia Goverment bought. even its an old train but pretty well maintain, Thats why we bought it {I guess}, it takes 1 hour only from Jakarta to Bogor with train and only cost IDR 11,000 loh ^^ plus don't forget Air Conditioner - take the train on less pick hour like I did.

*****

Let's continue on My Naughty Thoughts while I'm on the train.
Suddenly it just cross my mind which it would be so funny since England have their own Hogwart's school, Indonesia should have ONE also!! it's called Gunung Kawi school!!
All students on their beginning semester will deliever by their parents to Stasiun Gambir :P, with their suitcase full of sesajen, jasmine flowers, "susuk", Kemenyan, Penasaran Disctionary Book writen by kuntin, and their famouse pets is bats! {Owels not so populer any more} at Jalur 5 which is invisible train line, they have to burn some sesajen between jalur 4 and 3 then they can pass into jalur 5. of course those have to be done when no one looking specially the workers there.

The very famouse headmaster of the school is Nyi Roro Kidul {very beautiful and green like Go green Indonesia} and super semar which half human and half wayang {we have our own hagrid}.

We are more modern than hogwarts that is why we have imported ex japan MRT train with Air Conditioner, and more space in the it so we can just sit down lesehan and practicing the sesajenan & burn some smoke inside..

now then that is some little of my naughty toughts of the day that time, will continue some more when its pop-up..

Fly

2009-05-18T22:49:00.002+07:00

Last weekend, I manage to take my trike lesson again after almost a year absent :D
it feel so right when I'm up there, feel the breeze through my face
going around here and there...
it was a really good day!! lovely sun shine, the clear and calm air..
every thing was just perfect!!

oh and another thing.. I manage to take my flight jacket home since I never laundry it before hahaha.. :P

●●●

I manage to finish reading the "10 Reasons not2fall in Love" in a week since I got the book :D

It was Fantastic! I recommended this book for all reader that love reading chicklik ^^

●●●

For my Photography thing, I have some new concept coming up.. hopefully I will have the photo session soon :) I'm pretty much exciting since I have lots new plans to do..

My Mind when I'm Sick

2009-05-14T17:21:00.002+07:00

I never fancy of sickness.. who would anyway?
I been sick almost for a week now, it is actually a very common flu which should be nothing to worry but
the fever didn't just go away that easy.
Today is the best I feel than the other days, I get some time to do some little work and hopefully the sickness will gone by tomorrow.

what's in my mind while I'm sick :

I miss walking and feel the breeze of the wind in the Beach,
I miss Pochi the most & still feel guilty to her,
I miss holding hands with someone that think I'm the one,
I guess I still wish that there must be love for me to,
I miss surfing in Bali and challenging the wave,
I miss go around backpacking, looking on maps and see new things,
I miss eating cakes and Ice creams ^^
I miss my Best Friends,
I miss taking pictures of everything.

Hopefully when I'm better, I can do all those things :)

10 Reasons not2fall in Love

2009-05-13T13:04:00.003+07:00

After a long search in Jakarta to find this chicklit, which I already given up and I knew that I can get it in Singapore, so I asked my friend to get one for me.. at the first attempt it was sold out even in Singapore. but last week.. I got the BOOK! ^^ yuhuuuuuu!

It is a Best Seller Novel in UK at the moment, the Author is Linda Green

"10 Reasons not to fall in Love" is her 2nd Novel.

I am not really a novel reader, but I keep trying to read some and most of it- I never finished reading. until I read "I did a Bad thing" which I finished it very quick.
She write her novel in our point of view and somehow to make us not bored, the details and the plot are just around the ordinary but very attractive, couldn't guess where the end would be, unexpected ending too. :)

well, I'm not finish reading it yet, but in another week I will.

Summary :
Jo Gilroy is a single mother and a Part time Reporter, have a 2yo son "Alfie" and recently dumped by her Ex which also her Boss and the father of her son. After for 2 years of Maternity leave she back to work, where she have to leave Alfie with her mother and face her EX with his new "Weather" girlfriend. Meanwhile Alfie also find a new friend "Dan" that live in a boat and as the Balloon Man as a job...
{you got to have this book to read more further :)}

Suo Gân

2009-05-05T23:06:00.002+07:00

Voices
Originally uploaded by Renneville

Huna blentyn yn fy mynwes
Clyd a chynnes ydyw hon;
Breichiau mam sy'n dynn amdanat,
Cariad mam sy dan fy mron;
Ni cha' dim amharu'th gyntun,
Ni wna undyn â thi gam;
Huna'n dawel, annwyl blentyn,
Huna'n fwyn ar fron dy fam.

Huna'n dawel, heno, huna,
Huna'n fwyn, y tlws ei lun;
Pam yr wyt yn awr yn gwenu,
Gwenu'n dirion yn dy hun?
Ai angylion fry sy'n gwenu,
Arnat ti yn gwenu'n llon,
Tithau'n gwenu'n ôl dan huno,
Huno'n dawel ar fy mron?

Paid ag ofni, dim ond deilen
Gura, gura ar y ddôr;
Paid ag ofni, ton fach unig
Sua, sua ar lan y môr;
Huna blentyn, nid oes yma
Ddim i roddi iti fraw;
Gwena'n dawel yn fy mynwes
Ar yr engyl gwynion draw.

meaning | translation :

Sleep my baby, at my breast,
’Tis a mother’s arms round you.
Make yourself a snug, warm nest.
Feel my love forever new.
Harm will not meet you in sleep,
Hurt will always pass you by.
Child beloved, always you’ll keep,
In sleep gentle, mother’s breast nigh.

Sleep in peace tonight, sleep,
O sleep gently, what a sight.
A smile I see in slumber deep,
What visions make your face bright?
Are the angels above smiling,
At you in your peaceful rest?
Are you beaming back while in
Peaceful slumber on mother’s breast?

Do not fear the sound, it’s a breeze
Brushing leaves against the door.
Do not dread the murmuring seas,
Lonely waves washing the shore.
Sleep child mine, there’s nothing here,
While in slumber at my breast,
Angels smiling, have no fear,
Holy angels guard your rest.

The Lyric and Translation taken from Wikipedia

Cameron in Service

2009-04-21T18:49:00.002+07:00

for the first time I put my cameron in the cleaning service center..
it is already a year that I have her.. now I have to wait proximately 3 days for the cleaning..

I just wish I didn't make that mistake so I have to be apart for 3 days T_T {it's to long for me}

when I have so many ideas in my head.. now I have to wait..
its not long.. I just have to be patient..

Floating

2009-03-01T21:42:00.002+07:00

I realize lately I locked my self in my little room,
I don't eat regularly like should be,
I depressing my self which I should not,
I feel I lost everything right now -- I lost my grab

I float!

I couldn't see my direction,
I even can't tell this to anyone that I know,
I wanna go out!!!!!!!
I know, no one can save me now-- only my self

please~ let me see the world...

Happy Heart Day

2009-02-14T10:17:00.003+07:00

I don't celebrate this day actually, I just have these photos shoot ideas that make me want to make one of this valentine theme pics :) its kind of cute hehe

anyway Happy Heart day for the one that does celebrate.

Meanwhile, I will buy some chocolates and eat it my self.. :P
its not so bad being single~

It's Amazing

2009-02-12T21:39:00.002+07:00

driven mind,
its been distracted on something else,
I loose control.

tired eyes,
tried to close it every time,
but my mind couldn't rest.

it's amazing,
with what you do to me,
now it's up to you.

I couldn't resist.

*

sweet dreams

2009-02-06T18:10:00.003+07:00

Rain drops slowly from the sky
followed by the wind that blows like in the slow motion movies
the trees branches dancing like taking their part of the world
little birds trying to find shelter between it

There's little whisper upon the wind
you called my name from far distance parts of the world
will you take me to the sweet dreams that you telling me
far away from the nightmares
and show me the sun that only shine for me

♥

1st Bizz card

2009-01-22T17:45:00.004+07:00

at last my first bizz-card ^^
I designed it 2 weeks ago with of course some research of the star constellation,
so the stars it self not fake, its a real one with the center of the stars is my star sign which is
Cancer :)
it is pretty simple and minimalist as my concept of it.
and I just print it yesterday at subur even the tiniest stars couldn't really showed up there,
well I guess I have to fixed it a bit for the next printing later.. ^^

Good Bye Seasons

2008-12-24T23:31:00.003+07:00

December 23rd, 2008

My last day working at seasonsfoto.
I am very please to work with all my colleagues there, they been so nice and very helpfull to me :)

so here I want to thank to :

~Maureen, being my left cubical mate ^^ and cute plus small little friend.. Thank you always helping me solving general problems at office.

~Susi, Thank you always patient to me when I always bothering you,, like tickling, scaring you, etc hehe.. I will miss you so much to hear you screaming LOL ^^; o yeah plus hearing all my problems.. you are so sweet!

~Engel, to bad you already left to your "kampung halaman" on my Good Bye lunch :D, but thanks for sharing MP4, movies, etc.. it seems we have common taste on movie and others huh..

~Mita, big girl but have a small little girl personality, Thank you for teaching me design and things. we had fun together!!! don't get to lonely there :D

~Abrian, well your a guy but I always think you as a girl hahaha.. thanks for everything, helping me sort out things for the store and hearing my complaining to. hum can I complain to you again sometimes?? lol

~Ms.Santy, Thank you so much for everything-- you help me on my work and understand me a lot ^^ I don't know how to thank you anymore.. I know you are very strict sometimes but hey you doing your job :)

~Mrs.Luna, you are to kind some times.. and you always smiles to everyone, thank you by doing that, cause you know what?! your smile always make me warm ..

Last word~ Thank YOU ALL! next time we meet as a friends,not as a colleagues anymore ^^

love of photography

2008-12-16T22:33:00.005+07:00

I was exploring on my own pictures files that I collect and save in my external hardisk,
just wanna see the memories that I shoots there.

It came to me that I wanted to know when I actually love on photography,
to bad the film photos that I had are not with my right now, but I do remember
when Im still sitting in elementary school, me and my family went to Bromo mountain
I remember that I get a GREAT shoot of the mountain when the sun was rising that time..
I still keep the photos but unfortunately I can't share it here.

so here I would like to show the pics I shoot from the first time in digital camera,
my first camera was my Nokia 3650 phone ^^, both on the first row was taken with it
next and third taken with Canon powershot that I borrow from the office,
the last row taken with my first digital camera Canon Powershot hehe.

you can see theres some progress how my photographic skill is :) or well the camera it self.
I love photography!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
note. photos above are not edited with photoshop

Indonesia Defense Exhibition

2008-11-22T17:00:00.004+07:00

Every two years,
the Indonesia defense will make a 3 days exhibition at Halim Perdana Kusuma airport,
on the last day, they will open for public since most of the exhibition are weapons, armies cars, navy ships etc.

but the fascinated is the Aerobatic show that showed by the Air Force,
jets turning around up side down in the sky,
dancing~

so for the first time of My life,
I went there just to see the Aerobatic show!!!

I hope every time they have this thing again they will add more Aerobatic show ^^

?!? Headache ?!?

2008-11-01T19:20:00.002+07:00

Whole this week I having un explain headache,
I thought it was gone by yesterday now I still have it.

I am not sure why causing this headache but
I tried so many method to cure it,
I thought it cause by I didn't get dinner so I get dinner, same result
I thought it cause by I getting period, I got it now but I still have headache
I thought it cause by I didn't get enough sleep, I'am resting all day today..
so why it still there T_T

I never really drink a headache meds,
maybe I should get one later~

The Clock Ticking backward

2008-10-30T23:17:00.003+07:00

I like to look on the clock,
to see what time is it..~ everybody does I guess ~

I'm not sure if most people seeing what I see,
sometimes I see the clock ticking backward..
when I focusing what I see, since I think I was wrong..

but now I considering my self again..

If its real or not.
or every time I seeing the clock ticking backward,
Maybe I were wishing that time can turn back..

It just a wish~
I know time can not turn back,
but memories will never fade away even the time goes in the way it is..

Female Driver

2008-10-29T22:31:00.002+07:00

I step my feet in this blue taxi which I usually take,
a bit confuse when I saw this long hair driver,
slowly I said "Good Night",
"Good Night Miss"
"Where is your destination?"

A female driver were answering me,
when I realize isn't a He,
"wow, this is my first time getting a female driver"
She laughed,
"I been working for 9 months now miss"
"Oh.. well you must be the first lady in the Taxi company as well"
"actually not, there are 35 female drivers in the Taxi company at the moment"
"so how come you can get this job? you got an offer or what?"
"No, I was only looking a job in the newspaper and seeing there's one looking for female or male driver, so I give it a try"
"Well this is very nice I think, just be careful when driving at night :)"

well I didn't post all my conversation with the female driver,
but I think this is very impressive, I hope I will meet other female driver in the future
and of course I encourage them to do their best work.

Wedding Exhibition in Bandung

2008-10-26T15:57:00.006+07:00

I just back from Bandung last nite,
even though its not far, I still get tired..

anyway report what I did there..

Seasons Photography & Fine art which where I work got invited to open a booth there,
for a Wedding Exhibition which held by Wong Hang distinguish tailor *pretty well known tailor in Indonesia*

so Me, Mita, My boss (Radek Janicki) with of course the company driver went staying there for 4 days 3 nights.. we managed to stayed a local 2 stars hotel called Hotel bumi asih close by the Exhibit building... clean, pretty nice & I love the old style of the hotel it self..

The Exhibit it self was held from 22 to 24 Oct 2008 starting at 10am to 9pm, at Graha Manggala Siliwangi.
in every single day, there are a Fashion show which showing wedding dress and suit for men, also an illusionist "Damien Aditya" was there on last day.. it was nice to see the magic show.
there's a lot of promotions going on from the vendors, and of course we got to see the Bandung competitor photography service, some were pretty nice- I have to admit.

They also have a Door prize givin away, which the main door prize was a Car!!!! wow! that is nice.. you got married and got a new car!! haha..

anyway.. it was nice to come to Bandung, even we didn't really get around there.
but giving me a new experience.. about the photography services.

When I high

2008-10-15T14:41:00.003+07:00

I realize something funny is happening lately,..

I actually learning to drink alcohol again after so long didn't drink it
and since because I got a bit tipsy when drink 1 can of beer,
that wasn't fun.

I get very tired today since I had a photo shoot happening yesterday,
which make me so tired today... my body couldn't accept getting to tired.

I feel a bit high when those thing happening, I meant
when I couldn't really control my mind or.. something like that
even getting sick is not something I think I would like it.

but when those was happening, well I prefer getting high of drunk than sick..
I get a bit creative even almost fall a sleep..
so those high time I start editing or develop the photos I shoot
hahaha.. odd though but I like the end result..
I think I should done this more :D

My name means~~~

2008-10-13T20:25:00.002+07:00

found this "What your name means" site from Mirerusa'a Journal so I think I give it a try,
and wow I think some of it is true.. when I read the result after putting my name on those; give it a look :D

________________________________________________________________
You entered: suxy

There are 4 letters in your name.
Those 4 letters total to 17
There are 1 vowels and 3 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 8

The characteristics of #8 are: Practical endeavors, status oriented, power-seeking, high-material goals.

The expression or destiny for #8:
Your Expression is represented by the number 8. The 8 Expression is well-equipped in a managerial sense. You have outstanding organizational and administrative capabilities. You have the potential for considerable achievement in business or other powerful positions. You can expect to receive the financial and material rewards. You have the skill and abilities to establish or operate a business with great efficiency. You have good judgment when it comes to money and commercial matters, and you understand how to build and accumulate material wealth. Much of your success (or lack of it) may come due to your ability (or inability) to judge character. With the number 8 Expression, you exercise sound judgment in most of your affairs; you are realistic and practical in your approach to business matters.

The positive 8 Expression produces individuals that are very ambitious and goal-oriented. If the 8 energy is not in excess in your makeup, you will no doubt express these traits to some extent. No one has any more energy that a person with the 8 Expression who has a plan laid and is starting to work. No one has any more self-confidence, either. If you are expressing the positive qualities of 8, you are an outstanding manager because you can plan, initiate, and complete projects; you are very dependable and determined.

As it always happens, there can be too much of a good thing. If you have too much of the 8 energy in your makeup, you may express some of the negative attitudes. A negative 8 can be very rigid and stubborn. Ambition sometimes has a way of becoming over-ambition, and you may express an unreasonable impatience with the lack of progress. If your negative side is showing, you may be too exacting, both of yourself and of others. Sometimes this can even becomes a case of intolerance.

The number 8 is very materialistic and also very desirous of status and power. Neither of these drives are inherently negative unless they are taken to an extreme. You must avoid the tendency to strain after money, material matters, status, or power, to the detriment of the other important factors in your life.

Your Soul Urge number is: 3

A Soul Urge number of 3 means:
With the Soul Urge number 3 your desire in life is personal expression, and generally enjoying life to its fullest. You want to participate in an active social life and enjoy a large circle of friends. You want to be in the limelight, expressing your artistic or intellectual talents. Word skills may be your thing; speaking, writing, acting, singing. In a positive sense, the 3 energy is friendly, outgoing and always very social.

You have a decidedly upbeat attitude that is rarely discouraged; a good mental and emotional balance.

The 3 Soul Urge gives intuitive insight, thus, very high creative and inspirational tendencies. The truly outstanding trait shown by the 3 Soul Urge is that of self-expression, regardless of the field of endeavor.

On the negative side, you may at times become too easygoing and too optimistic, tending to scatter forces and accomplish very little. Often, the excessive 3 energy produces non-stop talkers. Everyone has faults, but the 3 soul urge doesn't appreciate having these pointed out.

Your Inner Dream number is: 5

An Inner Dream number of 5 means:
You dream of being totally free and unrestrained by responsibility. You see yourself conversing and mingling with the natives in many nations, living for adventure and life experiences. You imagine what you might accomplished.

Crush

2008-10-10T10:57:00.002+07:00

Lately I have a crush with someone that I see in my gym even I don't know him yet, but he always saying hi and smile at me, which I found that very nice ^^
so the theme song for that would be this "Crush" that really showing what I feel :)
I feel like back to Senior high school again haha!

sing by.David Archuleta

I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time deep inside
It was a rush, what a rush

'Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way about me
It's just too much, just too much

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

Has it ever crossed your mind
When we're hanging, spending time girl, are we just friends?
Is there more, is there more?

See it's a chance we've gotta take
'Cause I believe that we can make this into something that will last
Last forever, forever

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
This crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

Stolen

2008-10-06T12:05:00.005+07:00

Details :

Today I found something shocking in my facebook,
was browsing around.. and I see something familiar with the pic there.
which is my pic, I was the model in the pic..
but at the moment this girl using and admitting that is her..

shame on person that using someone pic in their profile and admit as her self.
I can't believe there would be someone like to pretending to be someone that they not. but I guess there are some people done that.

Not sure where she got the pic but probably from the Photographer site that taken it.

Ugly

2008-10-04T00:08:00.004+07:00

"Every time a guy looking at you.. it must because you are ugly"
the brainwash that my own mom told me most times when we go out some where
her words of course, I would trust what her saying on me
she's my mom.

but does that make sense?
your own mom telling those to you

that was back then years when I still live with her.

I tried to brain wash my own head,
to make my self esteem at least back.

No one are ugly in this world,
everything actually are in the relativity law.. that is what I believe.

but lately I put my self in my solitude,
low esteem, thinking her words are true..
that every time every one looking at me is because I'm Ugly.

I never thought her word are that strong.. it coming back all the time in some time.

I have to work on my self,
put my self back together..~

2008 Idul Fitri

2008-09-30T20:26:00.004+07:00

Selamat Idul Fitri!!!
well I'm not actually celebrating but I can't say that I didn't enjoy the fireworks tonight..
can't just enjoying by looking on it so I rush up to get my "Cameron" and start shooting, what make me a bit upset is that most area on top of the roof is covered so it's really hard to get great few shoots.

I manage to get out the building and shoot from the street instead haha!
and get these 2 lovely shoot!!! I can't say I'm professional on these shoot but for the moment those 2 are pretty to see ;)

Today I have a great day even though I have to get up early morning, but it was a blast!
it's really good that I actually feel so GOOD on taking pics not just tired but back in LOVE with it again ^^

I hope everytime I take some pics again, I will alway feel like what I feel today.

Tired, Enjoy and never regret it plus still In LOVE... hihi

Mama Mia

2008-09-27T23:59:00.003+07:00

one of my fav song, they played a musical movie in the theater called "Mama Mia"
nice!! love it~~ how they can put those famouse ABBA musics in one movie and make it related each other.. so this song is a bit inspired on what happening in my life lately.. making me singing the song right now hehe

sing By.ABBA

I've been cheated by you since I don't know when
So I made up my mind, it must come to an end
Look at me now, will I ever learn?
I don't know how but I suddenly lose control
There's a fire within my soul
Just one look and I can hear a bell ring
One more look and I forget everything, o-o-o-oh

Mamma mia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?
Mamma mia, does it show again?
My my, just how much I've missed you
Yes, I've been brokenhearted
Blue since the day we parted
Why, why did I ever let you go?
Mamma mia, now I really know,
My my, I could never let you go.

I've been angry and sad about the things that you do
I can't count all the times that I've told you we're through
And when you go, when you slam the door
I think you know that you won't be away too long
You know that I'm not that strong.
Just one look and I can hear a bell ring
One more look and I forget everything, o-o-o-oh

Mamma mia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?
Mamma mia, does it show again?
My my, just how much I've missed you
Yes, I've been brokenhearted
Blue since the day we parted
Why, why did I ever let you go?
Mamma mia, even if I say
Bye bye, leave me now or never
mamma mia, it's a game we play
Bye bye doesn't mean forever

Mamma mia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?
Mamma mia, does it show again?
My my, just how much I've missed you
Yes, I've been brokenhearted
Blue since the day we parted
Why, why did I ever let you go
Mamma mia, now I really know
My my, I could never let you go

My Own Little World

2008-09-13T07:04:00.003+07:00

I been working so hard lately, I realize that T_T
but today I was browsing in my deviantart page,
and browse to the other page.

Looking at some page of japanese drawing, manga & anime..
it's like calling my soul,
"I was there"
it's like the missing part of me.

A Flash back,
even it is a little world of mine,
but its so meaningful,
the time when I drawing, I was happy even no one would know my drawing.

Those short little time in my own little world,
some times I wish I can turn back time to that time,
but I hope that my own little world some how will never dies.

It still here, in Me

Typicly Indonesia

2008-08-29T20:49:00.002+07:00

today early morning I went for another Prewedd shot, this time our client wanted to take pic around Jakarta.
so there we go to Taman Impian Jaya Ancol, One of Indonesia well known theme park and sea side in north Jakarta, to get in there we have to paid entrance fee for how many people going in and also of course the Car fee, which we can called it as a parking fee?!?! not sure if it is.

anyway we met our client and went to a pier that have a bridge and a little cafe in the middle called Le'Bridge, it start pretty nice.
Our client wear wedding dress and format suit, until 2 security guard (you can say) came and asked our permission paper to take photoshoot there, of course we said we don't have it anyway we already paid the entrance fee. those were making our client uncomfortable so I go with them to make the permission paper which is ridiculously not making sense, cause they asking for IDR .1,500,000 /day (around U$D 165). so instead of paying we decided to change location and they asking us to get out off the location also. which I think that is pretty rude. cause we are paying anyway.

we got to Pantai Mutiara which is a real estate place, since the client live around there, after like more less 5 minutes, a security guard came up and asking for the same thing, which of course make the client upset cause he live around there and now they not letting him to take his own pic?!?!

not going to waste more time, we went to get some drinks at a restaurant around Pantai Indah Kapuk (another real estate that near by), so since we were tired of playing hide and seek, my boss asked the waiteress that we can take some pics there while we sitting. she asked for what? just for friends, my boss answered.

I guess if we answered that it was for a prewedd photoshoot, they might asking for some fee also?!?!
I suddenly feel no sorry for peoples that trying to ripping off peoples that only want to take pic for their own when we were eating and drinking there or paying entrance fee. I meant, if I am doing photoshoot for commercial in tv or have to make those places to close up while I'm taking pic.. that would be making sense cause they have to close down it. but while we don't why they still asking for fee?!?! while they still running on their bussiness and we helping them to promoted their own places?!?

And all of prewedding and wedding pics is for the client.. I meant we don't want to charge them more than the album and printing, cause all of those are already cost a lot and now they try to charge by sitting around and standing around the tree or stairs???

No wonder indonesia couldn't become more richer country cause almost all people here try to get profit by small little things. Typical Indonesia I think..

Now the only thing I'm worrying when I want to take pics only for my self, with a SLR camera like mine.. do I have to pay all those fees?? not commercial or how if I want to take pics of my sister prewedd someday later?? I don't want to charge her?!?!!? does it make sense ??!?!

I really feel sorry for Indonesia...

Have to Accept it

2008-08-16T21:07:00.002+07:00

These one of the day I knew that I have to check my eyes somehow,
cause I have some vision problem.
It start from when I saw things become like having shadows,
or when I'm infront of the computer after long day, it become more glowing or to shiny to see.

I can't really focus when there are so many light came into my eyes,
I prefer to close my eyes,
I always not sure if the lines is horizontal or not (haha)
I thought maybe if I rest more or enough,
I would have normal eyes back after.

and I realize it didn't came back like I expected.
everything still looked having double shadows...

so I decided to go to a pretty wellknown optical place,
and had it a check which is today.. (even some part in my self still denied that I have a normal eyes),
and the result is I have both minus for 0,25 and a silinder for my right eyes for 0,5
which mean I have to make a glasses erghhhhhhhhhhh~

maybe I will use contact lenses too better :P

Another Day

2008-08-12T21:50:00.002+07:00

"Another Day"

Lie to me, say that you need me
That's what I wanna hear
That is what, what makes me happy
Hoping you'll be near
All this time, how could I know
Within these walls, I can feel you

Another day goes by, will never know just wonder why
You made me feel good, made me smile
I see it now, and I, can say it's gone
That would be a lie
Cannot control this, this thing called love

You must think, how can this be
You don't really know me
I can't tell, this ain't the time
You'll never be mine
What can I say, something 'bout my life
I just lost again

Another day goes by, will never know just wonder why
You made me feel good, made me smile
I see it now, and I, can say it's gone
That would be a lie
Cannot control this, this thing called love

Always have to move on,
To leave it all behind
Go along with time

Another day goes by, will never know just wonder why
You made me feel good, made me smile
I see it now, and I, can say it's gone
That would be a lie
Cannot control this, this thing called love

All Dogs go to Heaven

2008-07-25T20:47:00.004+07:00

It was a tiring day today,
but other than that, I got a sad news that came from my sister,

My beloved dog, "Pochi" just passed away this afternoon,
she was sick for few days,
last time I saw her was around 2 weekends ago,
I had a hunch that she doesn't look to well but
my mother thinks she just have a cold..

Now in the middle of things that wasn't so clear about everything,
she died after taking her afternoon walk that she love it so much,
I wish I can see her in her last time,
I miss her so much!!!! but I know ALL dogs go to heaven
and I prey she would be in a much much better place.. and don't have to suffer anymore.

I will always remember her,
she had been 8 years with me,
even I moved out from my mother house,
she is always been the reason I visit my mom,
she always the one that happy to see me coming to my mom house,
The Only ONE that running to me when I see her...

I LOVE YOU POCHI!

THE TAIL

2008-06-28T13:42:00.002+07:00

There is a story about a princess who had a small eye problem that she felt was really bad. Being the king's daughter, she was rather spoiled and kept crying all the time. When the doctors wanted to apply medicine, she would invariably refuse any medical treatment and kept touching the sore spot on her eye. In this way it became worse and worse, until finally the king proclaimed a large reward for whoever could cure his daughter. After some time, a man arrived who claimed to be a famous physician, but actually was not even a doctor.

He declared that he could definitely cure the princess and was admitted to her chamber. After he had examined her, he exclaimed, "Oh, I'm so sorry!" "What is it?" the princess inquired. The doctor said, "There is nothing much wrong with your eye, but there is something else that is really serious." The princess was alarmed and asked, "What on earth is so serious?" He hesitated and said, "It is really bad. I shouldn't tell you about it." No matter how much she insisted, he refused to tell her, saying that he could not speak without the king's permission.

When the king arrived, the doctor was still reluctant to reveal his findings. Finally the king commanded, "Tell us what is wrong. Whatever it is, you have to tell us!" At last the doctor said, "Well, the eye will get better within a few days - that is no problem. The big problem is that the princess will grow a tail, which will become at least nine fathoms long. It may start growing very soon. If she can detect the first moment it appears, I might be able to prevent it from growing." At this news everyone was deeply concerned. And the princess, what did she do? She stayed in bed, day and night, directing all her attention to detecting when the tail might appear. Thus, after a few days, her eye got well.

This shows how we usually react. We focus on our little problem and it becomes the center around which everything else revolves. So far, we have done this repeatedly, life after life. We think, "My wishes, my interests, my likes and dislikes come first!" As long as we function on this basis, we will remain unchanged. Driven by impulses of desire and rejection, we will travel the roads of samsara without finding a way out. As long as attachment and aversion are our sources of living and drive us onward, we cannot rest.
From Daring Steps toward Fearlessness: The Three Vehicles of Buddhism, by Ringu Tulku Rinpoché

something that I read in Buddhist Stories :)

Not Seventeen

2008-06-23T18:42:00.002+07:00

Musics that I been listening lately is a Lounge musics type.
this is one of my fav. and remind me since Im going to be older in a few days :D

"Not Seventeen"
By. Mandalay

You're not seventeen
To be missing him like
You do
Knowing him like
You do

He said how can I
Still be missing you
I'll be missing you
'Till you're missing me

How can I feel

I'm not innocent
And I know that I could

I'm not seventeen
And I know that you're not
To blame
And if I could
Reason

I'd settle this thing
Still be missing you
I'll be missing you
'Till you're missing me

How can I feel
'Till you're touching me alone
Still be missing you
'Till you talk to me alone
I'll be missing you
'Till you talk to me eternal
'Till you're missing me
Come to me yourself
How can I feel

Still be missing you
This is how
I'll be missing you
'Till you're missing me
How can I feel ...

Surat Izin Mengemudi | SIM

2008-06-21T13:51:00.003+07:00

Driving License alias SIM (Surat Izin Mengemudi<< In Bahasa)

Every 5 years I have to renew my papers,
first would be my ID card or we call it KTP here (still on process),
second would be my driving License~

I had a hard time to renew my KTP but not my driving license,
which I really Happy about it,.. I thought the police or somewhat they would make me a hard time to deal it.. but dunno when they start this renewing SIM with a little box of car that go around the city.

we just text message to "1717" and type "Info sim keliling" to know where they will be operate today,
first thing in the morning I did that,
and I go to the place where they start it..

I was the second person that being there..
just fill the form and give them my old SIM and copy of my KTP (2pcs),
waiting not even 5 minutes... wow! I know that is fast,
they called my name to get into the car,
sign on digital machine and stamp my tumb,
take a pic..

walah! Fresh from the OVEN!
My new Driving License/SIM
don't forget to pay Rp. 85,000,- for the adm fee. hehe~

I take some pics of the operating car.. which I already asked for permission,
they are very nice & friendly :)

Deleting

2008-06-12T09:07:00.004+07:00

Walking by between the Boutiques store last night
after a work out at my favorite gym

I passed some places that I feel I been there,
but not alone,
some how I forgot who was I with,..

Trying so hard to remember it,
but nothing pop-up in my mind,
none any clue who was it..

I consider that might be someone that not important~ for me at least,
I felt lately I'm deleting my own memories,
to forgot things that not needed anymore..

Have I been someone not important else life as
what I feel right now?!

Or I also don't really care about that?

Can we really deleting our memories even its accidentally?
or we actually are on purpose to do that

??am I selfish??

2008-05-08T15:47:00.002+07:00

most of life being are selfish..
what that suppose to means?

this what I found in the net
Selfishness denotes the precedence given in thought or deed to the self, i.e., self interest or self concern. It is the act of placing one's own needs or desires above the needs or desires of others. Selfishness is the opposite of altruism.

but there is another question,
why we become selfish? are we that greedy, are all we needs never can be full fill ?
are we becoming human are that bad?

its actually a never ending question and there to many different answer for every human being.

but this is about me being also selfish of my being mind,
that was in my though all day today,

I tried so many ways to understand peoples around me, friends, family etc
and making decision very carefully cause I don't want to hurts them,
even it would hurts me and it does happen many times,
cause I wanted them to be happy,. that is my goal.. making people around me happy.

how about me?? why I cry when my goal is done?
I question my self, am I being selfish cause I wanted people around me happy??
and I forgot to make my own self happy.
Another question pop out,
why I being so selfish while I have roof on my head and job even I'm lonely,
I should be great full, that what I always telling my self many times.. even sometimes I forgot
and I should be Happy.. but then why I don't feels anything? I feels flat~
or maybe a bit depressed,.

I don't like my self when I thinking this thing,
I feels selfish.. I need a slap to my self to remember me things,
so I wouldn't feels sad or depressed about this..
and worse thing, I feels am a Bad person to people around me

so am I selfish?

Missing

2008-05-08T15:34:00.003+07:00

I miss some one to hold my hand,
while crossing the road in traffic

I miss some one giving me a Flash Kiss,
when he saw me at the meeting point

I miss someone that Joking around with me,
while we at The public places

I miss waiting some one to call or sms me,
even there's nothing to say about

I miss to feels secure cause some one is around me,
cause he wanted to protect only me

But I shouldn't miss it,
cause there's no one for me

To late To relize it

2008-05-02T11:06:00.002+07:00

This all along,
I though that I always be fine,
I keep making my self busy with work and hobbies,
I keep trying to show all my friends and peoples around me,
that I'm ok and happy with my self.

Because I though most people,
would like to see us happy and cheers all the time,
cause that would make them happy too.

I keep in touch with some friends that abroad through Internet,
by Messenger or Email,
it's the fastest thing to keeping in touch.

I being keep in touch with a person that make me
fascinating, inspiration, relax, comfortable, open,
and letting me to dig my own self..

Everything was feels good and fine,
until he telling me that he might falling love with someone else he met,
all this long he does telling me, who were he seeing..
and I feels good to know that, and happy for him.

But when he said the "L" word,
suddenly I feels so sad,
suddenly I realize something else in me that I didn't know it grows,
but all were to late..

I told him even I have to lie,
that I happy for him
my tear drop even I trying so hard to hold it,
there is nothing I can do now..

I even don't know who I can share how sad I am now,
only here.. on my diary..

Salary

2008-04-21T08:59:00.004+07:00

Since I get my new camera DSLR,
I supposed to be learning, wondering, exciting about all things on it
but lately...

am a bit pissed off about anything,
even the smallest things which I shouldn't to,
I realize something that I haven't notice it..
which make me uncomfortable about life it self..

though this is a modern life now days,
but cause of asia culture, women always put under of men.
They thought, all of us will always end up as a house wife,
which is wrong...

Most women still working even they are married or have children,
they want to be independent by financial etc,
but that doesn't meant that we (as women) just "O-k" getting salary as low as it is,
cause we have some one beside us (family etc) that can support us.

That is just wrong!!!
Me as I am, a women that living by my own..
I know how hard it is when I have to pay everything by my own,
such as my place to live, my everyday food, living cost, transportation, phone bills..

The company that giving the salary to their women employees,
always thought that women who work with them will always get supports by either family or husband of them..
and that also wrong, I think from my view...
Salary should be where we can spend a whole month to pay the living cost for a single person and we still have some of it for saving..

Economic inflation is getting high,
but salary still the same, its a pity..
In Indonesia there are to many unemployeds that will except any salary as long they get a job,
while the Field of the job also not that much..

The Rich will get richer and The Poor will get poorer

Cameragsm

2008-04-11T23:34:00.004+07:00

Yes!!!!!!!!
on April 11th,2008 approximately around 4pm,
at Season Foto, Jl.Wolter Moginsidi,
I got my first DSLR Camera and,
I also the first Indonesian that have Canon 450D localy in Indonesia.

That what was the store staff told me,

its just came today at noon, and deliver to the store it self,
at the same time I get it!

I even leave my office faster than I should,
just to get this camera on my hand...

Canon Indonesia even don't have it yet!!
and I'm the first one user on it!!! hahahaha >:D<
I'm sooo happy & got the Cameragasm at the store when it just came :P

here a shoot of the camera,
and after.. definitely I will use it more often,
there is no late to have more knowledge.

Not Even in A Week

2008-04-11T09:04:00.002+07:00

This morning when I broom my hair,
getting ready to go to work,
I realize something odd on my new earrings.

I just bought it in a mall couple days ago,
didn't plan to bought it,
just found it simple and look stylish model,
which caught on my eyes when I was asking the silver jewelry staff to was my other earrings.

its also made from silver but with a Cristal stick on it,
I didn't realize it would be stick with somewhat a glue,
and it un-attach with it anymore,
so one of the pair of my cristal earrings was gone..

and I can't wear it anymore :(
next time I will not buy something that stick on the earrings anymore
it would be made it on it

Visiting Papa in JB

2008-03-23T12:29:00.003+07:00

I decide to visit my father in Malaysia when I saw there some holidays on the calender right away,
I got 3 days off and 2 holiday in one row week :)

I was there for a week,
not only in Johor Bahru-malaysia, I also managed to visit my friend Veron.. but to bad I forgot to take pics with her --

anyway above are my father and step mother in JB :)
miss them already...

at last!! ~ THE Water Heater

2008-03-08T11:25:00.002+07:00

Tuesday; March 4th 2008.
My Landlord of the "Kost" decide to install the water heater to those one that willing to be charge more than usually ..
I been asking for it months :)

and now I can have a HOT shower everyday hahaha :) so exciting!!
No More COLD Shower :P

X-Lounge HangOver

2008-03-02T14:34:00.003+07:00

I realize it's 3 O'clock in the morning when I reach home
tipsy, I maybe..
a little fun partying haven't been done lately,
was busy working and thinking to much
and forgot the "FUN" it self

And here I type with a HUGE headache which people called it "HangOver"
the result being drinking a little to much last night
Me & Mir tried drinks that we never drink before called "Snowball"
taste YUMMY but result slowly high drunk haha..

Thanks to Mir&Iyal taking me out to get some FUN at X-Lounge
(Haven't go there long time & they renovate the place pretty nicely)
and knows new friends too
after being so Workaholic lately :P
I owe you guys!!

Plus thanks for listening all my problems hehe

Dawn and More Works

2008-03-01T15:04:00.003+07:00

Maybe this is the first time I work over crazyness that ever I did,
well it's me anyway.. who believe that doing something done perfectly and correctly.
for me nothing is manageable, everything should be done right if we all have the willing to do it right.

So yesterday, again end of the month..
Payday! everyone always exciting on that day.. for me it the same day and more busier than others.
I rush-rush doing most things cause I want it to be done fast and of course-
most people like everything done fast even they are a patient person.

Suddenly its late 11pm at home, but I still can just put my ass on my cozy bed and rest my head
had to open up some files and work abit,
some reports are been waiting for next monday, I did done it before I went back home
but somehow I had the feeling its not right, so I have to check it again

and yeah! didn't realize and I even didn't felt that I get any tired of it when I saw the clock
its 5am in the morning next day,
I do remember that I yawning several times..

Somehow the rumors go around that fast, some friends called me
that I should have fun for tonight, I suppose soo~ :)

Happy Weekend!!

Notes.
I still did a little bit working on today even its Saturday,, well..
I can't just run away from my duty would I..

style

2008-02-25T18:58:00.005+07:00

I been concentrating on studying the Photoshop CS3 lately, and now I can use some filter pretty good and brushes even sometimes I don't really like it.
its cool that I can editing my own pic, but actually a great photographer should can take great pic with out editing it a lot on photoshop right?!

Am actually still searching my own style on photoshop-ing and thinking to buy a great camera soon.. like probably Canon EOS SLR 400D :D hihihi... it's look kind of cool.. and I might make that as making money someday hehe

Life suppose to be Simple

2008-02-10T11:51:00.000+07:00

As I wake up this morning, I heard it raining outside
Back to sleep again
After a while, I wake up for its time
I open the curtain, and its seems cloudy

I take a deep breath,
And try to think why I was so down yesterday
And now I don't feels a thing at all

Life is so strange, I keep thinking..
As I hurry up to get a shower, wear My new jacket on,
My Favorite short pants and a pair of sandal, getting my things prepared
Walked on the alley of my "kost"

I keep thinking what should I do while I'm headed to the closes Mall I usually go,
I realize, I didn't thinking to much because this is my every most weekend do
While I'm walking through malls to the "Carrefour" hypermarket
It starting to rains, a few little drop doesn't really bothered me

My stomach yelling, asking to be feed
I step my feet on one of cafe in "Ratu Plaza", sat there alone by My self
Most peoples find it would be weird for a girl like Me to do that
Finish it all, As like I never eat before

Another step I found to go upstairs of the Plaza,
I bought My self some pirates Dvds which is pretty cheap there,
To bad, theres not much movie that I can bought
Went down to the basement where the hypermart are

I feels wanted to watch a movie in the Cinema, what ever it is
But I change my mind and bought some groceries for a week at home
It's pretty empty in Carrefour which usually always full on weekend
Put My ass in the Taxi and back home

And now here I am, After watched 2 dvds that I just bought
Nothing much on it, so simple~
Nothing complicated .. shouldn't Life should be just like this?!?

Photoshop CS3

2008-02-02T21:51:00.001+07:00

Lately I'm learning how to use Photoshop CS3.
I'm getting better on it.. :D
even I don't have much time to do it, since I work a lot lately,
keeping my self busy with work its pretty frustrating
I get headache most the time when I'm in the office

I giving my self pressure for work,
which not a pretty good deal..
so trying to get my self to do somethings else
to get away from the depressed to my own self

anyway ..
now I'm talking about Photoshop CS3,
love it! that the first thing
and I would like to get deeper on Photography too :D
Yes! I am exciting with it now.. hihi

Editing

2008-01-25T22:11:00.000+07:00

Installed an Adobe Photoshop CS3 around 2 days ago,
starting that I'm learning how to edit pictures with this tool

Been learning this tool long time ago to with older version,
now I'm starting again. There is no stop for learning new things for me,
The mind can't stop,
the mind searching something new all the time,
so today I finished editing one of my picture,
still a rough one, look on the edges.. :D

will try again tomorrow,
with new concept and ideas

First time Dive

2008-01-03T22:10:00.000+07:00

Diving were one of my sports list since last august that I taken holiday to Bali, but only now that I did tried it before the end of 2007 :)

Was planed to get an Open Water Course but to tired since I got delayed flight from Jakarta to Bali, we got in Bali early morning on the next day.. haha

Anyway.. I get to the "Ena Diving" in Sanur, they picked me up at my hotel at 7am and get to their office to explain all the things and rental some diving stuffs. I picked to go to Tulamben which where the US liberty wreck is... taken around 2 and a half hours to get there..

I'm the only one that have no Diver certification which I have to be acompany by the Diver Master :), He Explain anything to make me clear since it is my first Introductory diving.. a bit Excited and scared were mixed into one..

And then I go inside the sea for the first time with heavy Equipments, I see around with very curious way.. breathing in and out from my mouth, exciting when I saw fish for the first time outside from Aquarium but at the same time I can't talk in the water.. suddenly I saw some bunches Fishes were making a Big Group.. and then ship wreck deep into the sea... like no floors on it.. to bad I couldn't to long in the water since some how some water came into my mask which that is a problem..

I had 2 times diving.. and was very tiring.. Thanks to my Dive Master (even he flirting with me a bit..lol) but he did taking care of me while in the water :)

Review 2007

2007-12-28T00:46:00.000+07:00

End of the year of 2007 is coming fast.

Can't believe it this near, I try to review what happening all this year.. Happy things and Sad even Anger, Exciting things, Loving, Missing someone, New Friends, get sick and many others that I don't think I can mention it here.

All of course are meaningful to Me, everything that happen all through of 2007 will store in my mind&memories, there are some that I wish wouldn't happen but I don't think I can manage to escape it anyway.. it will be as my lesson for the future. It making me Wiser and of course being more adult as what I am right now.

Every single days I would always Thank to around me that maybe not realize that they help me or not but they always do. People always attend that they are different or same with others, but I always see that every people always have their Unique things, trying to survive, trying to be stronger, trying to be the best for them self, trying to find love or be loved, trying to be meaningful in someone life which they care about. I always appreciate with the silent that I carry with me, with regardless they know that they know it or not.

From the deepest of my heart, I Thank to everyone that being or always around my life in 2007, even they are Best friends, friends, colleagues, Family, My dog, Chat friends, Someone that hates or love me, Maids, House mates, My dad, My instructor, .. everyone that knew me. With out you all I might not be around or being as what I am right now. I'm Thankful that all of you put Me to be apart of yours Life.

And I would like to say, I am very sorry if I did make mistaken which it regardless I know it or not to everyone that know me.. and to everyone that did make me angry or sad, I will forgive them :). Everyone make mistakes, even it does hurts me but now its past and I will put that as a bad memories and put the good one in front all the time.

Thank You 2007. its been a great year.

Hit&Paid

2007-12-22T19:36:00.000+07:00

Yesterday when I went back from my flying lesson in Lido, suka bumi.. heading to My office since I still have to do a little work even on my days off.

In a very reckless of Me, I didn't paid a attention on the road -instead of that I was watch out of the soft drinks that I bought for my collagues, and
BAM!! (as you seen on the pic) I hit the car in front of me
"Oh my god!", my magic words came out from my mouth as usual

I step out from the car, also the owner of the car that I hit
"I'm really sorry!", Instantly I said to the young women which driving the Xenia,toyota
"I will pay all the damage, This is my mistake.. I know, I didn't paid attention", Said it quickly since I really wanted to finish this as soon as possible
she was just smiling like it was ok
"Let's move since we making the traffic jam now", I said it again cause I realize we on the fast lane which I don't feels ok being the one that making a traffic jam
"No, I want this is finish first", she said while theres a weird smile on her face

"I just fixed my car and that was taken IDR.2.000.000,-"
"Well mam, I don't have that much cash right now, and I do have friends that own the workshop which can fix it"
"Where it is the workshop?"
"Tangerang, Cikupa"
"That's to far, how about let go to the Daihatsu dealer and ask them so you can pay me in cash"
"You kidding me mam?!?, Its not a big damage and I think at any workshop can fix yours"

"I only have IDR.500.000,- at the moment, so do you want to take it or not? Do you have Insurance for your car?"
"Yes I do, I think its cost more than that, I don't want to be lost of it"
"So what is the problems? If you don't believe me.. you can ask my friend that own the workshop, that you can fix it with that much amount of money"
"Ok, Let me talk to him"

so I gave them talking through my mobile phone which after the Patroli came and then he asking me what the problem. I told him all what really happen. he asked to move the car to the safe zone so not blocking the way and make longer traffic jam.

The lady doesn't have weird smile anymore on her face, instead that she looks unhappy. she tried to call someone that of course I have no idea who's she call and does it related to the accident or might can help. but she willing to take the money that I offer to pay. and all are done!

Next time I have to be very care full, strange of what happening on this accident..
Luckly, since I'm using the company car, it does not scratch a thing on the car but that lady car probably made from Plastic LOL! which so easily scratch and broken

New Toy

2007-12-09T15:04:00.000+07:00

Bought it last night at one of well known Book store in the city
I get a cheap one since I try to learn it from the basic
After all I'm a Beginner.

"Nobody's Home"

2007-12-04T10:10:00.000+07:00

sing by.Avril Lavigne

I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.

What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.
Yeah,oh

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah

Ocean

2007-12-01T00:55:00.000+07:00

A friend was visit to my place not long ago,
was coming for holidays,
found out that he didn't really enjoy getting around by him self.

Spend a lot time with him,
can't believe that I know a little bit of his personality,
sweet, smart, kind, polite plus friendly.

Some how I always like him telling me story,
how he likes what he do,
enjoying it-he said.

As I know,
I never know someone like him,
he is a Good Friend, Thanks..
he make me realize that I should do what I like.
Hope we meet again soon.

Untitle

2007-11-20T21:03:00.000+07:00

I look out through the window while listening to my favorite classic musics
I see the building that being build at the night glaze, so beautiful and big
suddenly I realize
somehow these few days, I start forgetting my own path
my own way..

"This is not what I want", I said it in my head
I don't want to thinking someone that is not thinking about me
its made me unsecured, unwanted, worrying to much, unloveable..
and suddenly a tear wetting on my cheek

That is what I forgetting about..

A new friend told me about her love story,
How she telling about the guy that she in relationship about
About what he do to win her heart, it always make me smile to see them together
made me amazed, that they are really a great couple
something that I will never get..
something that is Not for Me

I'm actually to tired of this things
something I will never understand
what I know, My path is only works & survive
Insane perhaps but .. It's the only thing that will never leave me
It always wanted me, needing me, I become the Most Important person on it..

I'm not a Master about Love but I know when its supposed to be right

Restless

2007-11-19T18:42:00.000+07:00

The Time were pointing at 3pm
When I start restless by my own, my hearts beats faster
The office aircon didn't work to good today
My sweat wetting my shirt
My eyes keep looking on my cellphone that being recharge
Looking it more closely
"No unread messages", writen on the display inbox
It's like I'm waiting someone to text me

Tried to concentrate on my own work
Most of it were finished
Tried to rest my body and mind, it's not at ease

The time pointing to 4pm now, in an hour I'll be off
Even I know there's not much to do at home, no one waiting me
The restless still there crawling on every inch of my skin
It's like I missing someone, Missing things I just got after a long time and lost it again
I couldn't control My mind
It's running to somewhere else I even don't know the answer

Or Maybe I actually do, but I tried not to see the truth which already served in front of my eyes

Sketch

2007-10-18T14:43:00.000+07:00

As I sat on the cozy couch in Starbucks Cafe Plaza Indonesia, I take my new sketch book and a pencil..

I make a small line and another, with a little inspiration that came from somewhere in my head.. in a few minutes, it's done.

Been a little while I haven't draw again, and as I know my skill is a bit decrease now.. maybe I should draw some more a bit.

Background Character

2007-10-10T17:41:00.002+07:00

I can see whole the Main Hall of EX-mall from the Big Window on 3td floor of the Celebrity Fitness, as I hop to one of the Cardio, I listening to my favorite music from my Mp4.

My mind was running wildly to describe my self, and how I felt lately, what I experiance this 27 years old of my life. One single person that not to Important at this Big World, trying to find out the meaning of it.

I know that I'm not the Best person nor even the Kindest. What I know that I'm trying my best not to hurts anyone around me, even they would.

"There's no Life with out Love", My favorite Quote which never changes.

I actually love to watch Love Movie, and one of my Favorite is "The Holiday".

The meaning behind the movie always touch me every time I watch it, even I already knew what happen next. Many times I watch it, I always drop my tears away of it.

I still believe In Love it self, the feelings, the meaning and Lots more thing about it.

I did hoping THE LOVE for my self, and somehow I realize lately.. There will be no such thing for me. Love is somehow not for me, I told that to my self.

As many things that through in my little head, There is not so much really I should thinking actually. so should I feel as the Main Character or the Background Character? Some how I felt I always being the Background Character. When will I feel as the Main Character?

Black Week

2007-10-03T22:52:00.000+07:00

"Aouch!", I nagged a bit when I trying to get my self to the shower at the gym tonight, step those couple small stairs

The pain were continuously on my left foot
which make me wonder.. only a little drop on the stairs wouldn't be that hurts
trying to see which finger of my feet that pains when I'm in the shower
some blood came out from one of it
just upon the nail, which yeah.. so paining
I try to stop the bleeding with cold water, which is a good idea

It did stop, but I can't hardly step strongly to walk straight normaly
just walk slowly to everywhere, a little bit cripple but not as hurts if I walk normal

got home and it still paining
hope I will be just safe at home with no any accident for this week

Motorbike Little Acc*

2007-10-01T23:34:00.000+07:00

lately I been so curious to learn how to drive a motor bike ..

after the Bell ring, an announcement that the work time is over
I walk to the front of the gate and see one of the company driver is getting ready to go home
with his motorbike already on

"yooo dude, can I take your motor bike just for practicing?" I yelled with a little smile
"sure do!", he answered

he takes his motorbike outside, give me a space to sit on the driver seat
I sat with confident while he was seat on my back
starting the engine and bam!!

"Am ok!!!", I yelled to everyone that watched me when I hit the side of the road and crash there
"You ok?!?! are you sure??", the driver that seat behind me really worry
"This is small thing, am Ok!!" I tried to assure him about it

just realize that I do have some small scratch on my leg and hands.
but I will not give up like that just because of little accident that happen today :P

another Ramadhan coming up

2007-09-25T22:51:00.000+07:00

"10 to 19 October", Mr.Maman Tarman told me the date of the off days for the company will be announce soon.

"Isn't that to long?", I asked

"Well, this is because most the other employees couldn't get their off days so it would be taken for this Ramadhan holidays", he smiled and type the announce back on his computer

"OK, I'm not complaining", I said it in my head

I stared to my calender right away after I know it. Its a pretty long off days though, couldn't think by my self what I will do on those days..

Hot&Cold

2007-09-24T22:20:00.000+07:00

I still can feels the hot air in the office today, the aircon couldn't work so well I thought
sweat dripping a little bit to my shirt almost all day, felt that I couldn't breath so well

"Today is really hot", I told Atik on our way to Bitung in Mikrolet after finished work

"It is! my office is really cold with the air from aircon usually but today I even sweating..", she replied me

back home, I even can't wait to get shower with cold water
feels so fresh when I came out from the bathroom
drying up my wet hair, and go to the kitchen to prepared some dinner
a wind blow and get in through the window
I can feels the cold air and its smells like going to rain

suddenly I heard loud noise that came from out side

"It's raining", I wishper in my head with amazed after this whole day were so Hot

No one know what happen next I guess~ so am I..

I keep wondering though

Buka Bareng

2007-09-21T23:38:00.000+07:00

Bakwan Malang Karapitan, our destination for having dinner together. We had planned this long time, but theres always something comes up which make always been canceled but not today..

David give me a sign out side my window office, showing his 5 fingers that he will finished work at 5pm.. the second sign was asking would Atik will done at that time also..
so I give her a called, she was very exciting though.. she yalled on the phone "Strawberry Juice".

We stepped to the Ciputra Mall where the restaurant located, it's been a while I haven't visited that place though. As we can see the restaurant from far.. there's some peoples that waiting in line to get their table, as we thought it was a "Buka Bersama" for most moslems.
Theres no canceled for sure, we stayed and get our table. :)
Atik gets her favorite Strawberry Juice, I'm just regular things and the same with David.

A bit pushy I am to take some pics of us there, David get really embarrassed when I taken some pictures,..

Tonight I had good time with them :) Hope we can do it again soon.

Enjoying of The Loneliness

2007-09-21T11:58:00.000+07:00

Enjoying the walk in the mall to go to a store that I only need to buy some stuffs, watching peoples goes by while they were talking nor joking to each other, or a couple that walking together holding hands to each other, seeing their smile in the faces of those peoples.. I always realize those. It really nice seeing that even sometimes I have to admit, I do envy seeing that. wishing that I would be somehow as in part of those.

Maybe for some peoples (mostly in Asia) its pretty wierd or very rare to see a girl like me, walking alone to everywhere.. even thought that would be to shopping, sitting on a cozy couch in The Starbucks Cafe, watching movie in theater, is this called Loneliness?!? I say Not. I don't always feels lonely, I just enjoying being my self alone.

I found my self that I really independent for most of things in Life right now, not being superior of everything but I proud being what I am right now. I wanted the simple things I can get by my self with out have to wait someone else to acompany me doing everything which is not neccesary. I found its really redicilious that we have to be in groups doing everything.. being honest to our self.

one of my hope is that I would get more stronger than I am right now.

Cloudy Day

2007-09-10T22:11:00.000+07:00

listening to "So she dance",sang by Josh Groban while I was in the "Omperengan" on the way back home.. the wind come into the car from the window, blowing my hair.. I stared to the road and trees that standing straight beside the tol way with windy air that blowing the leaves on top of the trees..

making me analyzes again, about my life.. what its means? Does it means something?? for someone that around me..

some times I feels that I'm dancing in the middle of Dance floor alone, where everyone have their partner to dance with. Dancing slowly like in ALL of the Motion Pictures that I love to watch. Listening to the Melody of the musics that play in that Dance Floor and no one notice that I'm there in the middle of them.

Is it like the Cloudy day like now, its not raining at all just cloudy... with the strong windy wind, everywhere looks like going to rain but not any drop of water did touch the earth of Jakarta. Is that why I feels now?? so Melloww I think~~~

Birthday Party

2007-09-02T22:28:00.000+07:00

The Landlord held a Birthday Party today, it start at 7pm.. All the Peoples in the house "kost" are Invited. I offer my help to take some video shoots.

Above are the pic that I taken, before the party and after (The working girls, that what I called since all of us already work).

Mostly that making some noise sounds are the new kids which they are just starting to collages, I did thinking that when I was their ages, I was not like that.. Maybe the worlds change a lot now.

Anyway I know some peoples now :). Its nice even I'm kind a tired since busy taking some videos.

Way Back Into Love Lyrics

2007-08-31T19:38:00.000+07:00

Haley:Ive been living with a shadow over headIve been sleepin with a cloud above my bedIve been lonely for so longTrapped in the past, I just cant seem to move on

Hugh:I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams awayJust incase I ever need them again somedayIve been setting aside time,to clear a little space in the cornners of my mind

chorus:All I want to do is find a way back into loveI cant make it through without a way back into loveohh

Haley:I've been watching but the stars refuse to shineIve been searching but I just dont see the signsI know that its out thereTheres got to be something for my soul somewhere

Hugh:I've been looking for someone to shed some lightNot just somebody to get me through the nightI could use some direction, and I'm open to your suggestions

ChrousAll I want to do is find a way back into loveI cant make it through without a way back into loveand If I open my heart againI guess Im hopin you'll be there for me in the end

Haley:There are moments when I dont know if its realor if anybody feels the way I feelI need inspiration, not just another negotiation

Chorus:All I want to do is find a way back into loveI cant make it through without a way back into loveand If I open my heart to youIm hopin you'll show me what to doand if you help me to start againyou know that I'll be there for u in the end

No Rest

2007-08-29T22:52:00.000+07:00

I step my feet into my office with tiring eyes that going to close every minutes.

Ina-my temporary Assistant is on phone looking at me with a smile on her face,

"Yes, I'm late" I whisper it to my own self.

Mr.Maman smiling and looking at me from the next cubical

"Mrs.Pauline asked you to meet her in her office right now", he Immediately inform me

"I did told her that you text me, that you will be late".

I do realize that I keep coming late to work, lately .. this is my own fault.

I knock the glass door of Mrs.Pauline office

"I'm Sorry, I'm late", I told her after I inside her office

"You know that I don't want the others staffs get envy to you, since I always give you more changes"

"So I need to show them that I am a fair person to anyone"

I nudge my head

"There are 3 choice now for the punishment that you can choose"

"1st, you will get the 1st Warning Letter, 2nd, you will use your lunch time for worn on behalf substitute of your late hour, and 3rd, you will work over time."

"2nd", I answer immediately before she saying any word after that

"Yes, since actually I don't want to give you the 1st." she smile

Disturbia

2007-08-27T20:44:00.000+07:00

As I sat on my chair after I reached my office this morning, I felt something else going on in my cynical disturbing mind. Never felt it like this before, I always take control of my head but I can feels there's a WAR going on.

It's like I have 2 Different Worlds going on in my mind, I always knew that for a long time. Never thought that it now trying to take control Me. I felt becoming 2 Different people at the same time, it's a disturbing personality of mine. It's keep growing stronger as I felt it, I even don't know which one is the Real me. I scared my self sometimes, What IF the Bad one takes control everything.....
Because right now I'm trying to push it away, to hide that disturbia characters of mine.

I making a World in my head, it's an escape of some my tiring mind.. Hoping I can be calmer and feels safes there.

Sometimes I wish am gone become the winds and Something else can replace Me in my human forms. That time probably I would stop analyzes everything.. and my mind can keep resting after it.

Second Person

2007-08-26T16:10:00.000+07:00

Never thought that I found my family deepest secret, or maybe my mother was naive that time in the young age she was. being beautiful girl of the town, and she didn't get any education like most peoples. All those were revealed last year when I found my Father in Malaysia after more than 10 years we lost in touched, after all those the Big fights between him and her.

I never understand even now. But nothing much I can say now because its pointless to try to solve those fights. The Important that I know is.. I'm his 1st Daughter from his Second wife, which is my Mother. It's shocking after 26 years old and found my father who left me with my Mother and sister with no news, that I was un-expected child from his second wife while his still married with his 1st wife.

I never liked my Mother Principals about life, and everything that she believes. it doesn't means I not love her, I still do care about her- sometimes I miss her.

I just doesn't want to be like her. to be the second person in everyone lifes. try and try as I can, as now I felt like her.. being second person, or maybe nothing.

Trying to struggle this thing out center of my mind, .. frustrated, petatic, mentally ill, hating my self, tiring, .. and scared of my own self..

Sometimes I wish i would be tied up in Mental Hospital, or get struck by truck -- loosing my own mind and memories. Forgetting everything in this live and start another New one, as a New person with new Identity in a new strange world trying again to be First person for someone Life. at least there's a hope..

His Shadow

2007-08-26T15:54:00.000+07:00

3 Hours I had sleep last night after back from Kemang Festival.
Phone rangs, My dad called to picked me up early morning. Went to Lido for flying lesson as usual.. a bit shocked because I remember what I dreamed after it.
I was dreaming about him. Couldn't believe my own self..
All because I believe my self that I already over him.. which I still do.

The sorrow is over.
Past are the past, never can be repeat and never can be change. I asked my self why this is happen, and I put that as "Karma" of my own. I'm not going to Blaming anyone else, because I'm the one that making this choice. I have to deal with it and will make this as my life lessons.
Even his shadow will sometimes appear, I will hold on. This is just another Lessons of my Life.
If it will always come Bad things again I will challenges it.

Saturday

2007-08-25T12:08:00.000+07:00

I wake up since feels the heat on my own room.. sweating all over my body.
The Pain that I feels from last night is getting Better, even not so good in over all.

Looked up to my cellphone, hoping some friends would called or text me..
Nothing there.. seems everyone have their own plan.

It's Saturday.. I can see the Bright sky from my window,
now time to go out that I have to buy, Laziness came all the way..

Now time to go..

Anti Social

2007-08-24T19:55:00.000+07:00

Went Back home Yesterday, and my house mates called at the mini market in front of the House
Pulling me to joined them for a small chat,
But then I manage to get away from them..

Thought it would be over, but then "Liana" came knocked on my door, so I opened it.
None one ever of my house mates came into my room, she was the 1st.
She is sweet & Nice, trying to get close to me.

"I don't like anyone to intrude My private life, so that is why I don't want to bothered others." I told her.

"Yes, mostly I go anywhere alone. Theres no a problem with me." I answered her when she asked about my Bali trip.

She surprised that I prefer being alone while she can't helped to do that most the time.

"I thought I would be get crazy if I always in My room alone, I can't do like what you do."

"It's take time, and then you will used of it."

Un-said

2007-08-19T15:12:00.000+07:00

well I'm back from Bali now, Lots things happen there... Good and Bad! for sure I love the beaches there, it is beautiful .. and I really like surfing even I get hurts on my legs, some bruise and bleeds. This place have to best surf area.. I think :P

But hurt on my body is not as pain in my heart.. Get a broken heart there.. for the second time of my life, when I fall in Love again.. but seems its not for me though. some said you still can love the person but you can not have them.. that what I'm doing now.. I always hope the best for him.

I can only watched him from far away, as I can.. holding my own heart, trying not to touch him anymore.. cause I don't want to break more things around. Some words that I can't even said or told him cause I was afraid&scared.. afraid of hurting him even he already hurts me.. but that doesn't means I can hurt him as well..

I felt lucky though even I get hurt in the end.. but I can feels again how to fall in Love, which is not easy for me. Some friends told me I have a cold heart .. maybe..I'm not sure my self. But some un-said words couldn't get out from my lips just to said it to him in person.. because I also scared.. scared for somethings I think I would never can get... anymore.. for sure I will never forget him.. cause he always be in my heart.

Bali Trip

2007-08-11T12:56:00.000+07:00

in another hours I will be In Bali soon~
already packed few things, trying not to take much things and it not included my laptop.. hiks! (going to leave it at home)

getting ready to the airport.. even the departure will be at 4pm, but better early then late right.. (its Jakarta)

sometimes I think again, why I taken this holiday, its supposed to be relaxing time now I myself kind a confuse... is it because I went alone? or I don't really have an excat plan there.. well what the hack I think... I already have the tickets and book a hotel there.. it still In Indonesia anyway.. I did go alone to abroad before..

still all this feeling mixed up now.. hear beating, suddenly vision get blurs, pains in the stomach, all the usual symptoms ..I felt like a new student that going in to a school now... haha

I felt like going to make another HUGE step.. oyah.. Independence day of mine will celebrate in Bali :D yeehaaaa!!! :P

Better be going now.. Tata~

a few more days

2007-08-07T22:08:00.000+07:00

in a few days I will be there! some place in above map.. That Island called BALI.

Its been planned before, that I wanted to go there alone, the plan still the same.. go there alone by my self... but changes a little though.
I will meet a friend that staying there, been keeping in touch almost 2 weeks now..
some how, some thing get me a bit scared these fews day.. dunno why.. but it is.. some thing I haven't feels for a long time.. this is feels good and nice!
Nervous, scared and excited mix together... lol.. confusing huh??? what about me ?!? :P
I do want to see what will happen while I'm there., well All the things while I'm there haven't planed yet.. I will be there a week or so~

so I hope everything will went good .. and I should prepare with the worse scenario also. ~if it happen.

The Holiday

2007-08-05T15:20:00.000+07:00

One of my favorite movie that I watched repeatly lately..
some of the words were saying by one of the character on the beginning :

I have found almost everything ever written about Love to be true..
Shakespeare said, "Journeys end in lovers meeting"
what an Extraordinary thought
Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that but I'm more than willing to believe Shakespeare had.
I suppose I think about Love more than anyone really should.
I constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives,
It was Shakespeare who also said, "Love is Blind".
Now, that is something I know to be true.
For some, Quite inexplicably.. Love fades,
For others, Love is simply lost..
But then, of course, Love can also be found.. even if just for the night.
and then there's another kind of Love, The cruelest kind, The one that almost kills its victims.
it's called unrequited Love, of that, I am an expert.
Most Love stories are about people who fall in Love with each other.
But what about the rest of us? what about our stories? Those of us who fall in Love alone.
We are the victims of the one-sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones.
We are the unloved ones, The walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space.

Those words really amazed me.. its really touching deeply in me.
because I never can explain those words before and this movie does.. *sigh*

well, I will get my holiday in some days starting Saturday.. and I hope something nice will be happen there. :)
its not a Christmas holiday but a summer one :D.. hehe..

Will I found Love or Love found me?? Who knows ...~

Hate my Self

2007-07-28T21:18:00.000+07:00

sometimes I hate my self,

I hate feeling upset or angry for something,
I hate feeling Sad over something,
I hate feeling Envy to something,
I hate feeling being Hurts,
I hate feeling of the feelings...
and I hate to feels hates!!!

but the most I hate is when I felt my tears drop from my eyes...

Please make it stop..
I don't want to feel a thing...
make my heart die..
so I couldn't ever feels again.